


quiet

by chailattemusings



Series: what you want, what you need [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: BDSM, Collars, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:36:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8042848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chailattemusings/pseuds/chailattemusings
Summary: Percy's mind won't stop churning, too full of noise and confusion that makes the whole world seem heavy. When there are no monsters to shoot, he tries to take the frustration out on himself. Vex'ahlia isn't having any of it.





	quiet

Percy wouldn't normally describe himself as someone who _liked_ peace. He worked with gunpowder, of all things. His workshop wasn't a place for meditation and peace when his workshop doors were made of a metal so thick it could have contained a small forest fire. He expected explosions, to a certain extent, and part of him enjoyed it. Where was the thrill of discovery without a little chaos? A long day spent bent over projects, his face and fingers smeared with traces of powder, the entire room smelling like smoke, was habit at this point, and one that Percy didn't have any intention of breaking.

A change in pace would have been nice, though. There wasn't much of a place to get one, not when they were constantly traveling and only came back to Whitestone once every month or so. When Percy got that itch at the back of his neck, that lingering feeling that maybe he should sit down and find a different hobby to occupy himself for an hour or two, he filled it with the wrong things. It was easy to snatch up new materials and try to make something completely different, tinkering until he could ignore the itch and call himself settled and resume his usual work with gunpowder and explosions the next day.

But the itch always came back, and Percy wasn't sure what to do to fix it. And like he always did when he needed help, he shoved it aside and didn't talk about it and it got worse, and worse, and worse.

It culminated one day, when they were resting for a few days between running around the world. He was in the castle library, looking for a reference he'd been unable to find. Book after book came off the shelves as he tried to scour through, teeth gritting as each one yielded _nothing_ and if the Briarwoods hadn’t thrown out half their archives this wouldn't be happening, but they had, so he had to do with this meager selection and it wasn't _enough_ –

Percy yowled and threw down the latest failure of a book, snarling at it. No one was around, it didn't matter if he lost his temper a little. For added measure, he kicked it, ignoring the flare of guilt for damaging what was probably a decent book in any other context.

He took a long, slow breath, shaking his head. As he did, he caught sight of the doorway, and someone standing there.

Well. Shit.

Vex was shock still, eyes wide, her bow in one hand. It looked slightly rough, scratched with fresh marks from the snap of the bowstring and her arrows against the frame; she’d been practicing, filling the night with the thwap of arrows when she couldn’t sleep.

“Percy,” she said slowly, edging her way inside the room. “Are you okay?”

Percy blew out a long breath through his nose and scrubbed his hand through his hair. He didn't have much of an excuse. “I'm fine,” he said, though his voice sounded strained even to himself. “A long day,” he added, to reassure Vex it wasn't anything truly serious.

Vex's brow furrowed and she walked closer, setting her bow down on the closest table. It clacked on the wood and even that much noise made Percy tighten again. He worked to loosen his jaw by the time Vex made it to him, hoping he'd pushed enough tension from himself to make her believe he didn't need any extra doting. That was Pike's job, anyway.

“You don't look fine,” Vex said, pursing her lips. “I heard shouting.” Her eyes flicked to the floor, where the kicked book rested, overturned and probably with a few torn pages. She bent quickly and picked it up, flipping through it briefly. “Did this book do something to personally offend you?”

That got a hollow laugh from him that quickly died in Percy's throat. “No, no, it's . . . it didn't have what I wanted. Like I said, long day. I'm wishing we had a bigger library, is all.”

Vex set the book down absently near her bow on the table and put her hands on her hips, frowning at him. “That didn't sound like a 'I've had a long day and need a nap' type of noise, Percy.”

“And what did it sound like?” Percy hadn't meant for the words to be so biting, and he winced at his own tone after he'd spoken.

Vex wasn't pleased, either. “If you wanted me to leave you alone, you could have just _said_ so.” Her voice wobbled a bit as she spoke and she moved to pick her bow back up.

“No! No, wait, hold on.” Percy took two long strides across the floor and put a hand over hers to stop her. She whirled to look at him, accusation in her eyes. Percy took a long, slow breath, and said, “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped.”

“No you shouldn't have,” Vex agreed, crossing her arms. “I was only trying to find out if I could help you somehow. I thought . . .” She didn’t finish her sentence, and didn’t need to. Ever since they’d been, well, _together_ , it had been harder and harder for Percy to hide from her.

Percy tucked his fingers under his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. “I'm . . . not sure. Usually when this happens I just drink some coffee and go to bed.”

Vex's frown faded a little and she smirked despite herself. “Coffee before bed sounds like a terrible idea. No wonder you're not sleeping.”

The corners of Percy's lips tipped up but he couldn't bring himself to truly smile. Instead he leaned down to pick up the book on the table and put it back where he'd found it on one of the many library shelves. There were a couple sitting in piles he'd started, and Percy started putting those away, too. He took deep breaths as he did, taking in the sharp, mothy smell of old books that wafted up every time he put a book back on its shelf.

Vex wandered up to him, watching cautiously. “Are you stressed?” she asked. “I know we've been busy lately . . .”

“Something like that,” Percy said, his hands pausing as they dropped another book into the slot he'd taken it from. “It's . . .” hard to talk about, he wanted to finish, but didn't. He trusted Vex, more than anything, and he knew she could keep a secret if he really needed her to. But she would also worry, and Percy had enough trouble handling his own self doubt without someone else fluttering around him and trying to fix it for him. It couldn't be fixed, anyway.

Vex waited and when Percy didn't finish his words, she made a soft noise and stepped close, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. Percy went stiff, and relaxed into it, placing his own hand over Vex's where they joined at his waist. “Is there any way I can help?” Vex murmured into his back, against the thick fabric of his coat.

Percy laughed hollowly. “Not unless you can turn my brain off for a couple of hours.”

Behind him, Vex went stiff, her hands suddenly tense. She loosened after a few seconds but Percy had caught it. “I don't suppose you actually have a way for me to do that?”

A beat, and Vex nodded silently against his back.

Percy puffed out a breath through his nose. He took a minute to put back the last two books he was holding; Vex's grip dropped when he had to walk down the length of the shelves. His hands freed, he turned back to her with an eyebrow raised. “You were saying?”

Vex bit her lip. “It's not conventional,” she started. “You might not want to do it. It's just something I've done with people before when they wanted to . . . forget about themselves and their life problems for a little while.”

“That sounds more soothing than I can imagine, but that probably means there's a catch.”

Vex played with the end of her braid, head tilted as she considered how to word her apparent revelation. “Percy,” she said slowly, “have you ever thought about wearing a collar?”

 

* * *

 

Percy had balked a little, blinking wide eyes at Vex as she explained what she wanted to do. His first instinct was to reject it, because sex wasn't going to solve the problem. They’d had fun, yes, and it was _very_ relaxing to design toys for Vex and test them with her, but even Vex couldn’t solve the itch at the back of Percy’s mind, the ache he felt when he spent too long in Whitestone and saw how it had changed.

Vex had explained that nothing about it had to be sexual, if he didn't want it to be. He could even keep his clothes on. According to Vex, she'd done this more than once with people she wouldn't name. Something about a . . . a _collar_ , made them feel like they didn't need to worry about their responsibilities for a while, and it helped.

Percy's nose wrinkled. It wasn't the strangest thing he'd heard of, not by far when he'd grown up in a noble house. Nobles had too much free time and too much money not to be doing strange things in their beds. He'd never really considered any of it for himself, though.

“You could always give it a try,” Vex said gently. They'd sat in two of the cushy library chairs across from each other, speaking quietly enough that anyone who might wander by wouldn't hear before they could cut the conversation short. “Tell me when you've had enough and we don't have to do it again.”

Percy had his fingers steepled, pressing them against his lips. He breathed slowly. “What would you be doing, then? During this whole thing?”

Vex shrugged. “Whatever I like? There doesn't have to be specific tasks involved. The point would be for me to give you attention without any pressure on you, essentially. I could read a book or work on a project or something, as long as you're with me.”

Percy's mouth twisted a little. He liked the idea of not having to think about anything for a while but he wasn't sure if what Vex was talking about could deliver that promise. Still . . . he'd yelled at a _book_. Maybe now wasn't the time for him to be skeptical.

“I don't _have_ to be naked?” he asked slowly. “It's just the collar?”

“I wouldn’t discourage it,” Vex said, sticking her tongue out at him. Her tone and the memory of where that tongue had _been_ made Percy’s cheeks tinge pink. “It can be just the collar, though, if you like,” she promised with a soft smile. “You can do what you want while you wear it, although I might give you gentle directions. The point is for you to not think very much about what's going on.”

Percy nodded along to her words, turning them over in his mind. Vex had said she already had a collar, from when she'd done this before. There weren't any particulars to worry about except picking a time and place. It was the kind of thing that didn't have to last more than an hour if he didn't want it to. Vex hadn’t steered him wrong thus far.

Looking up, he caught Vex's eye and said, “All right. I'll give it a try.”

 

* * *

 

The collar was made of finely crafted leather. No doubt it was originally intended for a large dog or other beast but Vex had promised she'd only ever used it for partners who asked to wear it. The leather had a few worn spots near the clasp but was in otherwise good condition, smooth under Percy's fingers. He traced it a few times with his thumb, enjoying the sweep of the treated material under his skin, and undid the clasp.

“Ah, Percy,” Vex said, making a low noise in her throat.

Percy stopped in the middle of parting the collar to go around his neck. “Hm?”

She hesitated and said, “Would you mind if I put it on _for_ you? It might help you get into the mindset of things. And I'd really like to do it, if it's all the same to you.”

Percy glanced at the collar and back to her. “Uh, sure.” He held it out for her and turned around, to let her loop it over his neck and fix the metal clasp in the back. Percy was wearing most of his clothes; his outer coat was on the chair and he'd taken off his boots and gloves but was otherwise covered. Vex had also kept her clothing.

They were standing in her room in the castle. It had a living area on the side away from the bed. There was a desk, and a short couch in front of a small fireplace that Vex had proposed they spend some time in front of. Percy didn't care what they did exactly and had decided to let Vex be the expert on that.

“There!” she said, when the collar was in place. She slipped two fingers underneath the edge and tugged lightly. “Is that too loose? Too tight?”

Percy swallowed experimentally and found he could do so comfortably but not without noticing the collar's place on his neck. “It feels good.”

“Excellent! So, I had a general idea of what we'd do.” Vex turned and picked up a book from the edge of her desk. “I'm going to sit on the couch and read this,” she said, “and I want you to sit at my feet while I do it. How does that sound?”

Percy glanced at the floor, covered in a soft rug. Vex added, “I'll give you a cushion, of course.”

He shrugged. He didn't know anything about this and might as well trust what Vex wanted.

“Percy,” Vex chided. “I need you to _say_ it. Is that all right with you?”

“It is,” he confirmed, barely resisting rolling his eyes. They'd probably sit in awkward silence for a while and he would decide that wearing a silly collar wouldn't help much and he'd thank Vex for trying and say goodbye, and they'd both get on with their evenings.

Vex smiled at him and went to her bed to get one of the big, fluffy pillows tucked into the pile at the headboard. She put it on the rug by the couch, close enough that Percy could lean his back against the couch itself. Vex nestled herself on the cushions with the book in her lap and met Percy's eyes, gesturing to the pillow. Percy paused to take in the scene but obeyed, kneeling down to sit beside her. He adjusted a few times, getting comfortable, and settled for having his legs crossed and his palms resting on his knees.

A second later Vex's hand brushed through his hair. He tensed slightly and glanced up, but Vex was holding her book open with one hand, not looking at him. Her hand did still, though, waiting. Percy swallowed and turned around again, facing the small fireplace. It wasn't cold enough for it to be lit and Percy instead fixated on the stones it was made of, looking at the patterns in the gritty surfaces.

When he relaxed, Vex's hand resumed petting through his hair. At first it felt silly; Percy wasn't a dog or anything of the kind. But her touches were warm, soothing, and her long nails occasionally scratched his scalp just enough to feel good. Percy held back the little hum that wanted to eek out of his throat and shifted to lean slightly into the touch, getting a few scritches for his trouble.

For a long time that was it. Percy wasn't sure how many minutes passed. Half his focus was on the rhythmic petting, the other half wandering as his eyes drifted around the room. A few times he turned his head to glance at the desk or the lamps on the wall, just to have something to do, but when he turned it disturbed the rhythm of the petting and before long he was sitting completely still.

It took longer than Percy would have thought to realize he'd fallen into a bit of a daze. He blinked but didn't move, puffing out a small breath through his nose as he considered what exactly was happening. He didn't usually let people pet him like this; _any_ soft attention from anyone was rare. Even Keyleth's hugs felt more like something done for Keyleth's sake than his own. Vex's strokes over his hair had a warm, bubbly sort of feeling thrumming down his neck, and when he breathed it almost felt like it wasn't quite his own movements doing it.

“You're thinking about it too much,” Vex said with a mildly chiding tone.

Percy jolted, dropped hard out of his trance. A blush crept up his neck and he turned to look at Vex, who was peering over the edge of the book. “Excuse me?” he asked.

She pursed her lips. “I can feel when you stop letting yourself relax. Try not to get too absorbed in it; the point is to stop worrying for a while.”

Percy huffed again and nodded, settling back down. Vex's hand returned to his hair, petting gently, and Percy tried not to psychoanalyze himself while he enjoyed the motions. Vex dug her nails in more often, and reached further, scratching down his neck and behind his ears. It made Percy's blush darken but it was too pleasant to do anything except enjoy it.

Without quite intending to, Percy changed positions again. First he stretched his legs out from their cross, flexing his toes a few times when Vex gave him a hard press with her thumb on the back of his neck. It hit a point that had Percy shuddering, suppressing another small noise.

After a while, time had turned into a foreign concept, lost in the motions and the stillness. Vex shifted, moving down the couch to sit behind Percy. She tucked one leg under herself but let the other one droop next to him, nudging him lightly. Percy leaned into it and stiffened, unsure.

“Go ahead,” Vex said quietly, turning a page with her thumb.

Hesitating, Percy leaned against her thigh, pressing his face against her. Vex hummed, a low, approving growl that sent shivers down his spine. He dimly remembered his skeptical thoughts and his initial desire to leave, and tossed that out the window. This was _nice_ , even if Percy couldn't place why exactly.

Vex kept petting him, but her hand wandered. It alternated between rubbing down his neck in light massages and drifting under his chin. Vex moved again and then her hand was tucked under his jaw, her index finger dangerously close to his mouth. Percy turned to it and kissed it, struck with the sudden desire to pull it into his mouth. Vex had said this didn't _have_ to be sexual but she certainly hadn't said it was off the table . . .

Her hand moved again before he could make up his mind, petting through his hair and down the back of his neck. She hooked two fingers into the collar, tugging just enough for Percy to feel the soft leather against his throat.

Something warm bloomed inside Percy's chest. He followed the pull of the collar until he was firmly against the couch, his head lolling against Vex's thigh. His breath hitched and in a low voice he said, “Vex.”

She dropped the book to her lap immediately. “Percy?” she cooed, tangling both hands in his hair and petting through it, one dropping to his face to scratch pleasantly at his scruff. “Did you need something?” Her voice dropped low, curling around him like smooth silk, and Percy shuddered.

“It's . . .” There weren't any words that fit right for what he was feeling. All he knew was that he _needed_ something and Vex could give it to him if he asked, but the words were all wrong and his tongue was heavy like lead in his mouth. Absentmindedly he wished it were cold enough for a fire so he could curl up in front of it. He tried again to speak. “I want . . .” _Something_ , damn it, but his mind was tripping over the feeling of Vex's fingers and the warmth of her tucked up behind him and how he still wanted her finger in his mouth to lave with attention.

“There's a good boy, isn't he?” Vex leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “Stay right here. I've got something for you.” She got off the couch and the _whine_ that left Percy's throat at the loss of contact wasn't anything close to respectable, but he was too dazed to care. He reached out with one hand and Vex caught it, kneeling beside him to kiss the back of it. “Give me two minutes,” she said, petting him once more and standing. Percy huffed and rested against the couch, eyes closed.

Vex's motions had been soothing but not in the way that made Percy tired. The minutes stretched on longer than he wanted, and when Vex finally came back he sat bolt upright. She was holding a wooden tray and laughing quietly at him, putting the tray on a side table next to the couch. Percy raised a brow and peered at it but he was too low to see properly and Vex blocked his view as she settled back down.

Two fingers in his collar pulled him back in place, this time with both of Vex's legs on either side of him. She petted him a few times more and leaned over, speaking quietly as her legs shifted around Percy with her movement. Percy didn't pay it much attention; he was too busy leaning on her thigh and pushing his nose against it. She was warm and the feel of the collar on his neck had sharp tingles running down his skin, digging just so under his nerves. He needed to be close, to breathe deep so her crisp scent poured down his throat.

Fingers tapped at his cheek and he turned to see Vex's hand, holding a piece of sliced fruit. She was leaning over him as she offered it, her other hand turning the collar idly over his neck. “It's been an hour or so. I thought a snack was due,” she said, to explain.

A spark of something hot and tight coiled inside Percy and stained his cheeks with blush. She was _feeding him_. From her _hand_. The idea should have made him scoff, should have had him rolling his eyes because he'd left silly things like this behind when his noble life was abandoned. No one had hand fed him since he was a small brat of a child who'd demanded such because the seventh child in a family got precious little in the ways of special treatment.

But the tightness in his belly rolled pleasantly and Vex's fingers on the collar were heavy. She pressed the fruit a little closer and Percy opened his mouth, letting her give him the slice. It was juicy with a bright sweetness to it; peach. Percy chewed thoughtfully, bringing a hand up automatically to wipe some of the juice from his chin.

“Ah!” Vex said, slapping his hand away. She leaned over to reach the tray again and produced a cloth, wiping his face clean. It should have been demeaning, being treated like he was helpless, but Percy only breathed harder and pushed his face against her thigh again. If he cared to justify it he could have said that he was trying to hide the bright red flush to his skin.

Justification for any of this was very low on his list of current priorities.

Vex plucked another piece off the tray and fed him. The smell of peaches mixed with the hard, foresty scent that Vex always carried with her. Percy hummed as he ate, curled up between her legs and opening his mouth for her, idly wondering again if he could _please_ just get her fingers in his mouth.

“Last one,” Vex murmured as she held another piece out for him. Something clicked in Percy and he opened his mouth again, accepting the peach slice gratefully. When Vex tried to clean the last of the juice, he pushed past her careful motions and licked straight across her palm. Vex went tense and Percy took advantage of the pause, licking her index finger and wrapping his lips over it.

“Percy!” Vex said, surprised and slightly breathy as Percy ran his tongue over her finger and groaned at the feel of it sitting on his tongue. Heat suffused through his chest and curled tight at the base of his belly. He didn't bother responding, just sucked on her finger, releasing it to lick the next finger and take it in his mouth with the first one. Vex hummed and let him have her hand, leaning so close over him that her breath tickled against his head. The shiver it gave him combined with the heat already boiling inside and Percy was ready to burst from it all.

Vex moved close to his ear and said, “Would you like to do something more, darling?” Her voice was a low, husky purr and Percy bit his lip just at the sound. He _knew_ that voice, knew why Vex used it, had been on the receiving end of it more than he ever thought he would after they’d started collaborating on her toys.

Slowly, he nodded. “Please,” he added, too far gone to even be surprised at how small his own voice sounded. The collar weighed heavy on his neck when he swallowed.

“First question,” Vex said as her hands wound around his neck, wrapping around him. She put her chin on his shoulder, digging in slightly. “Do you still want to keep your clothes?”

Percy furrowed his brow. “Maybe?”

“Do you want me to keep _mine_?”

That was harder to answer, and Percy took a long minute to breathe and think. His head cleared a bit as he did but Vex's hands on his torso and her chin a sharp point against his shoulder made everything feel fuzzy and it was a true effort to drag his mind out of the haze. “If whatever you have in mind means taking them off, I'm all right with that,” he managed. His words felt slow, slurred, almost like being drunk but without the loss of inhibition.

He swallowed again and felt the collar rubbing at his neck.

“Lovely. Give me a moment, Percival.” Vex sat up and scratched through his hair again. Percy made a soft noise and turned to watch her get up. She unbuckled the thick straps of the leather around her torso. She'd taken off most of her armor but the chest plating was always the last to go; Vex liked to be ready for any attacks that might catch them off guard.

She peeled off her shirt next and undid the straps holding her breasts down. Percy let himself stare as she disrobed, her skin glowing in the low lamplight of the room. She left her braid in but tucked the decorative feather between the folds of her clothes and set the pile on her dresser. “Percy,” she cooed, walking back to him with a sway in her hips that would have people's jaws dropping if there was anyone to watch.

Her fingers hooked into his collar again, pulling him until he stood up. Vex hummed and slipped her hands under his shirt, tracing her thumbs across the skin. They were warm, and left trails like burning fire in their wake. “Can I take this off?”

Percy nodded mutely. She smiled at him and undid the buttons, pulling his shirt off and petting over his chest. “You're lovely,” she said, leaning up to kiss his neck just over the collar. Percy hummed a vague agreement; he'd have something to say about that but it was never smart to argue with Vex on these matters.

She dragged him over to the bed, laying down and guiding him to settle against her, half laying on her and half off the bed so his weight didn't crush her. She ran fingers through his hair again, letting the other drift over his back and gently scratch her nails over the skin. Percy shifted at the feeling, tensing and relaxing in turns. The tingle of it had his breath hitching, hands reaching up automatically to wrap around her.

“You're such a good boy,” Vex said, digging her nails in just a bit harder, watching Percy carefully. He arched into the touch, somehow failing to finds the words to tell her how good it felt. Vex seemed to understand, obliging and continuing to run her nails across his back. “You like pleasing people, don't you, Percival?”

“Mm,” he hummed, more focused on how the collar pressed against him as he tucked his face against Vex's side.

“Do you want to please me, Percy?”

 _That_ ticked something in him. Percy inhaled sharply and leaned his head back to look at her questioningly. Vex cooed and returned both hands to his head, down his neck and back up again to ruffle his hair. “Like the sound of that, did you?” She shifted, sitting up and urging Percy off her. He moved back, only stopping when Vex hooked a hand in his collar again and arranged him neatly into a sitting position with his legs tucked under him. She muttered something he didn't quite catch but that sounded like “far gone,” before mirroring his position across from him.

She leaned in, ghosting kisses over his neck, pulling the collar a couple of times. “Percy, can you show me how much you're enjoying this?” As she spoke she moved closer and guided his face to her shoulder, whispering in his ear, “Be a good boy for me, dear.”

His breath hitched and Percy swallowed thickly, managing a nod against Vex's skin. She petted through his hair again, waiting. Percy brought his hands up to rest on her waist. Her skin was soft where he kissed it; they'd both washed themselves before this and he almost wished he could have had the salty tinge of a long day that would have lingered there instead of the vague soapy smell. It was nice but it wasn't _Vex_ and the coiling heat that clawed at his insides and muffled the noise in his head only wanted more of her.

He kissed down her chest, licking over her breasts. Vex made encouraging noises, leaning into his touches as he went. Her legs were spread beneath her and Percy fit easily into the open space they made. She was hot against his bare hands and arms, though his pants stopped him from feeling _all_ of her against him. In recompense for the lack of contact he bit at Vex's skin and almost purred at the little gasp she gave, the way her fingers scrabbled to tighten in his cropped hair.

His confidence building, Percy's hands wandered. Not far, but enough to feel the meat of her thighs, thick with the ropey muscle she'd built from years of hunting and tracking. Her belly was tight with only a slight layer of soft fat over it, the muscles underneath obvious when Percy touched it while his mouth kissed the space between her breasts. Her body was like a temple and Percy was not a religious man but he would have worshipped her for hours.

He didn't get that far.

As he pressed one hand on her thigh and the other over her belly, Percy felt Vex's hand curling in his collar. It wouldn't have been different except that his hand brushed across a sensitive spot on her stomach and then she _yanked_ and Percy nearly choked at the suddenness of his throat constricting, his whole world narrowing down to that single point.

He coughed and fell backwards onto the bed, clasping a hand over his throat. The choking feeling didn't go away, even after Vex let go and started babbling a startled apology. Percy tried to focus on her words but the bruised, battered feeling of his throat had ripped him violently from his subspace.

“Percy?” Vex's concern floated wearily through. Percy tried to answer and failed.

Vex lay beside him, putting a hand over Percy's own. “What happened? Are you all right?”

Percy swallowed. It hurt. Vex hadn't pulled _that_ hard, and the logic of knowing he shouldn't hurt crashed into the echoed memory of a raw throat and heavy hands around him that wouldn't go away.

The longer he didn't answer the more Vex panicked, sitting up and patting her hand gently over his side, asking again and again if he was all right, if he needed something.

It wasn't until he saw her glance at the door, contemplating getting help, that Percy managed a weak, “Don't.”

“Percy!” Vex cooed and patted his face. “Darling, what happened?”

“I'm not . . . entirely sure.” His voice was raw and it stung his ears just to hear it, to think about it. “I wasn't expecting you to pull the collar.”

“I didn't intend to do it quite so hard.” Vex was still shaking, ready to spring up for whatever Percy needed the moment he asked for it. “You hit a ticklish spot.”

A _ticklish–_ Percy sighed and closed his eyes, one hand still on his neck. He dug a thumb under the collar and tried to rub the soreness away with his thumb, but he couldn't get rid of what wasn't really there. Every time he swallowed it was like feeling hands wrap around his neck all over again.

“Percy,” Vex said again, concern oozing from her voice, “is there something I can do? You look horrible suddenly.”

Percy breathed in deeply and took a long moment to think. He needed the feeling in his neck to go away. He wanted to get his excitement about Vex back. He needed both of those things before his body caught up to his brain and his panic got worse.

“Pet me again.” The request was simple but it felt right leaving his mouth, and Percy dragged his head around to look at her. “Just . . . stay. And do that.”

Vex's brow wrinkled but she agreed without protest, lying back down beside him. Percy hooked his legs around hers and shuffled close, tucking his head under her jaw. Vex hesitated but slowly reached around him, folding him into her embrace. The warmth was soothing, like a soft blanket around him, fighting off the sharp edges of fear. Vex's hand found his hair again, petting gently, without the edge of nails scratching through that she had used before.

Percy forced himself to breathe slowly and take in Vex's scent. It filled his lungs and every breath got easier as the calm air slid down his aching throat.

“Do you want the collar off?” Vex asked softly.

“No,” Percy answered. He wasn't sure of much at the moment, not even why the feeling of choking had clawed at him and nearly left him drowning. If he thought about it he might succumb to it again and Percy had spent too many years digging himself from that pit to jump back in without at least spending a day thinking about it. Maybe that was the difference Vox Machina had made in him, if he no longer flung himself into danger without abandon.

What he was sure of was that Vex was warm and soft and the collar was smooth on his skin and it wasn't the real reason he'd nearly panicked. That was something much, much deeper that he didn't have the energy to explore at that moment.

Vex didn't ask any more questions. Percy shifted to tuck himself closer, spreading his palms flat over Vex's back to soak in the touch. Briefly he considered disrobing to get even more of her warmth on his skin. That would require getting up and moving around, away from _Vex_ , and he decided against it. He could feel himself slowly calming down and melting back into that soft, cottony space he'd lost before. This was good for now.

He wasn't sure how much time passed like that. It was enough that Vex patted his cheek a few times to draw him out of his daze and said, “It's getting late, darling, and as much as I'd love to stay like this all night, we should at least get the collar off.”

Percy frowned and mumbled a protest, nestling deeper against Vex's chest. Vex laughed and pushed him back, sitting up. Percy frowned harder but he was staring at nothing and the frown lost almost all of its effectiveness.

“It's probably not a good idea to do an extended scene for your first time with the collar,” Vex said, clicking her tongue. With one hand she grabbed Percy's shoulder and tucked the other under his side, urging him up. “Come on, you can still stay here tonight if you like.”

That offer sounded reasonable. Percy huffed and sat up, meeting Vex's eyes for the first time in what must have been hours. His head spun and he blinked a few times to reorient himself. The room was darker, the lights of the lamps dimmed, and Vex was difficult to see against the heavy stone walls. He focused on her eyes in the flickering glow of the lamps and leaned forward, kissing her hard.

Vex tensed, startled, and laughed into the kiss. “Thank you,” she said with only a hint of sarcasm.

“Thank _you_ ,” Percy clarified. “This was . . . I needed this.”

“Are you sure?” Vex sat up higher and put a hand on his shoulder. “After what happened–”

“What happened was a moment of weakness, preceded by hundreds of moments of unpleasantness that I will never fully escape.” Percy put his own hand over Vex's and squeezed. “You helped me calm down and come back to myself.”

“You had a good time?” Vex's eyes searched his own.

Percy kissed her cheek and rubbed against it, feeling his stubble catch on her smooth skin. “It was lovely, and I want to do it again.”

There was a pause, and Vex said, flatly, “Not right now, of course.”

Percy laughed, his breath bursting out of his lungs. “No!” he managed, leaning back and breathing hard a few times to calm himself down. “No, no, not now. Right now I think I need some tea and then a nice long rest.”

“I can do that!” Vex was up before he could say anything, pulling her clothes back on so she was presentable to the world at large. “Stay right there,” she said, moving toward the door.

“Wait, wait,” Percy said, holding his hand out. Vex froze and turned back to him, brow raised. Percy hesitated, and he could feel the collar when he swallowed. He gestured to it slowly, taking too long to work out the proper words in his head. “Could you . . .?”

“Oh? Oh! Yes, yes, I can.” Vex darted back to the bed and knelt beside him, reaching her hands around his neck. She found the clasp and undid it swiftly, taking the collar away from Percy's skin.  

It was like losing a thousand-ton weight. Percy’s shoulders slumped when it was gone, and he had to blink a few times, shaking his head. Vex watched him and patted his shoulder. “Everything all right?”

“Yes, just bringing myself back to the present.” Percy rubbed his eyes and blinked again, looking at Vex. A small pang of guilt shot through him at asking her for _another_ favor, but . . . “Tea?”

Vex smiled. “Of course.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek, patting him again. “You were such a good boy, Percy. Wait here and I’ll get us some, and then we can have a nice long rest.” She got up and left, the door shutting heavily behind her.

Percy breathed deep and fell back onto the bed, arms spread out, staring at the ceiling. He’d had panic attacks before, and usually had to hole up in his workshop or his bedroll and hope it went away before anyone noticed, hope that he didn’t make the noises of nightmares in his sleep.

One hand went to his neck, pressing down lightly, and the memory of Vex’s voice drifted through his mind.

This time, it hadn’t been so bad. This time he’d been a good boy, and that was almost enough to make the pain ebb away for a while.


End file.
